Father's Day Caps: Gifts for Dads Who Don't Want Anything

Father's Day in Australia lands on the first Sunday of September, which gives you until early September to solve the same puzzle as last year: what do you buy the man whose answer to "what do you want" has been "nothing" since 2011.

You buy him a cap. Dads are contractually attached to caps. The trick is buying one funny enough to be a real present instead of just headwear.

Why a dad cap is the correct move

• One size adjusts from 54 to 62 cm, so it fits every dad head in the country
• Embroidered, not printed, so it outlives his current favourite that should have been retired years ago
• $44.95, which is squarely in the "proper present" zone without requiring a family group chat to split it

The picks, by dad

The dad who fixes things wrong. The thinking cap dad cap is the literal thinking cap. He puts it on before big decisions and blames it after. He will make this joke at least weekly, and it will be your fault.

The retired dad who is now a consultant. The entrepreneur (unemployed) dad cap tells the truth on both lines. If your dad calls Bunnings trips "site visits", this is his cap.

The low-key dad. The monkey dad cap or the banana dad cap. One small embroidered emblem, no slogan, no fuss. The kind of cap he will describe as "actually quite good", which is the highest available rating.

The dad whose sense of humour got him told off at Christmas. The certified chud dad cap or, if your family is truly built different, the not a grower not a shower dad cap. We are not going to tell you your dad. You know your dad.

The younger dad who still goes to festivals, allegedly. Skip the dad caps and go straight to the trucker caps: foam fronts, mesh backs, snapbacks, and jokes that are louder than he should be at his age ($54.95).

The backup plan

If he genuinely has enough caps, which is a sentence no dad has ever said, the crew socks run $22.95 with the same energy. Try D1 YAPPER for the dad who commentates his own barbecue. Woven rather than printed, one size unisex.

Logistics for the last-minute

Orders ship from Melbourne, $9.95 flat Australia-wide and free over $80, which is one cap and two pairs of socks if you are doing the maths. Give it a week to be safe. Everything carries the 30-day No-Cap Guarantee: wrong vibe or wrong fit, swap or refund, no drama.

Start with the dad caps collection, or browse the whole Gifts shelf if you are also sorting a brother, a mate, or a bloke-shaped colleague while you are here.